Time has been a whirlwind lately.  Once I stop writing it is so hard to start again as you all know out there.  Yet the words don’t stop in my brain. 

For the last 3 months we’ve been trying for another child.  This month though I realized again that I just couldn’t do it.  I don’t know what came over me to change my mind; I just woke up one morning and thought to myself that I couldn’t see myself with another baby.  Selfish of me? Perhaps but that is where my mind is at right now.

Of course the end result of this changing of the mind; J and I got into a HUGE argument about it where he ended the conversation “you’ll be hearing from my lawyer”.  Nice huh.  He left me with those choice words at work on a Friday morning.  I was calm about it.  I actually felt a sense of relief.  I actually started looking for homes in the area that I’d be able to afford.  Me with no savings, nothing.   On the way home I talked about it with P, and I cried.  Not because I was sad but more angry and actually scared.  But as usual P gave me his solid words and made me feel better, and not so scared.  Because I know I wouldn’t be alone.  

That weekend we didn’t speak at all.  We tried talking later on during the week and we didn’t get anywhere.  Both of us can’t see each other’s points of view.  And there is no comprismise in this situation.   I know myself, I know J.  He will try to wear me down.  But what the hell kind of way is that to want to create a baby.  None. 

This weekend J is up fishing for his annual 4 day trip.  Sam is over at my mom’s for the night.  I have the afternoon to myself and evening.   Kinda like my single days.  I had a lot of plans for the day; organize, clean, throw out.  But of course I got lazy.  Took a shower, watched TV, went to the grocery store and here I am watching TV again.  I need to order some books online, my reading supply is finished.

Ok that’s all for now.  Boring I know…;-)