1friend
noun
Etymology: Middle English frend, from Old English frēond; akin to Old High German friunt friend, Old English frēon to love, frēo free
Date:
before 12th century
1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)4: a favored companion5capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war —called also Quaker
The other day a friend and I were in the car driving when we started talking about friends. Or rather how we have many aquaintences but very little “friends”. And he asked me what I thought the definition of friend was. I had an answer in my mind but at that moment I was embarrassed to say it. For although I’ve known him for 10 years I got a sudden fear of him laughing at me and telling me that he didn’t think we were friends. So I said I couldn’t give him a definition and that I’d look it up. I forgot about that conversation until today and so I looked it up. And there you have it; a friend is someone attached to you by affection or esteem. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Because when you look at it that way it’s a good measure of how you feel about people that you call your friend. I know a lot of people but when it comes down to it do I feel affection for them? No I don’t. Is that cruel or unfeeling of me? I don’t think so. Giving my affection or attention to someone is not something that I give away lightly.
Saturday night we’re having a Christmas party at our house. The guest list started off large but has shrunk down to 3 couples and their kids. Which is fine by me. They are all my friends, none of Joe’s could make it. Particularly one couple where the husband is supposedly one of Joe’s “best” friends. Ever since this guy got married his wife controls everything about him. He has no say in any social activities he may want to partake in with his friends. This Saturday they are going to visit another one of her relatives. Seems every weekend they’re doing something with her side of the family. We moved into our neighbourhood in September; they’re one minute away from us but have not come over yet despite our repeated invitations. I’ve told Joe to just tell his friend in a ribbing kind of way to let his wife let some rope loose. But he won’t, he says it’s none of his business. Me? I’d tell him what was on my mind. I see Joe’s upset about it though.
I really don’t know where I’m going with this post. It’s kinda late and I’m not feeling great. I went to color my hair tonite and I feel kinda odd. Like I’m having a minor reaction, again. This time I don’t think it’s to the dye but the shampoo. The stylist used a new one and it smells so strong plus the fact that she washed my hair for a good 10 minutes or more! Who does that??? So I came home and took an Allegra pill, although it was expired, and now I sit here feeling itchy a bit. Hopefully that is all I’ll feel and I won’t wake up to a swollen face like before.
I’ve always been somebody with only a few close friends but a pretty big outer circle. I’ve avoided a lot of disappointment that way, I think.
I struggle with the ‘friend’ subject. I have often felt that other people have so many friends yet I consider myself to only have a small number of friends and alot of acquaintances. I guess most people are all the same. I do have a problem with letting people in too close and would rather have more acquantances….I think. I’m tired today too and I kinda can’t go there because it’s too deep for me!!!!!!!!!!
I hope you aren’t having another reaction like the last time, that’s terrible.
As for Joe’s friend. I think it’s the friend’s fault not his wife’s fault. I don’t think I’d rib him about his wife. He’s a grown man and makes his own decisions. It’s sad how these things happen to friendships when people get married (or divorced!). Have fun this weekend, I bet it will be more fun with the 3 couples you are having than it would be with a whole large group of acquaintances.
I’ve had a rough go of this whole “friend” thing of late (wrote about it last week too – seems to be in the air) and it’s a tough one. A really tough one. SB and I in a similar situation where his best friend (since childhood) has gone silent and off the radar. While we understand why (it’s a wife thing – like your situation) we keep extending the invitations and ideas without any response. He wants to give up but I keep doing it because I know that my huz and him are such good friends, there is no point ruining over something silly like this. Because it is silly. And stupid and frustrating and all of that stuff.
I dunno G, I’m a bad friend in many ways because I’m introverted but those who I get along with best understand that – I’m a flake and it’s part of my deal. I married a fellow flake so we are a suited pair. *big sigh* I guess I’m a bad friend. But I think I’m like kgirl – where we have few close friends but bigger outer circle. It does help insulate us from disappointment. I’m rambling so I’ll stop.
Anyhow, hope this hair reaction isn’t anything like the last one. Take care.
Friendships are important to me, and like you, I am pretty cautious when it comes to who I “let in”
I have many acquaintances and a fairly large social circle, but only a handful of really true blue friends.
Which is totally fine by me.
That’s too bad about Joe’s friend- maybe he’ll come around eventually.
But I think you should just let Joe deal with it his way- if he chooses to.
That’s sweet that you are sensitive to his feelings about it though.
From the sounds of it, you aren’t a huge fan of the wife, so maybe everything for a reason right?
sorry I’ll shut-up now…
I hope your hair/head is okay and no major reactions…
I used to think I had a huge circle of friends. Now that marriage and children have entered the picture, I seem to be down to about four. Seems inevitable that a lot of them drift away at this stage.
It seems to me like there are aquaintances, casual friends, and good friends. I have but a couple of really good friends, and a bunch of casual friends who I really like, but have been unable to put in the time to develop into good friends, which I think takes a lot of time and getting to know each other in a deeper way, one on one.
Hope you were okay after the shampoo incident?