We are done with diapers, pull ups and whatever else you may have! She finally went pee in the potty on Saturday afternoon and we haven’t looked back!! Also doing #2 as well (I hate saying #2, makes me feel like I’m also 3 years old). Tomorrow she goes back to daycare we’ll see how that goes there. Fingers are crossed that she’s done!!!

Time has been a whirlwind lately.  Once I stop writing it is so hard to start again as you all know out there.  Yet the words don’t stop in my brain. 

For the last 3 months we’ve been trying for another child.  This month though I realized again that I just couldn’t do it.  I don’t know what came over me to change my mind; I just woke up one morning and thought to myself that I couldn’t see myself with another baby.  Selfish of me? Perhaps but that is where my mind is at right now.

Of course the end result of this changing of the mind; J and I got into a HUGE argument about it where he ended the conversation “you’ll be hearing from my lawyer”.  Nice huh.  He left me with those choice words at work on a Friday morning.  I was calm about it.  I actually felt a sense of relief.  I actually started looking for homes in the area that I’d be able to afford.  Me with no savings, nothing.   On the way home I talked about it with P, and I cried.  Not because I was sad but more angry and actually scared.  But as usual P gave me his solid words and made me feel better, and not so scared.  Because I know I wouldn’t be alone.  

That weekend we didn’t speak at all.  We tried talking later on during the week and we didn’t get anywhere.  Both of us can’t see each other’s points of view.  And there is no comprismise in this situation.   I know myself, I know J.  He will try to wear me down.  But what the hell kind of way is that to want to create a baby.  None. 

This weekend J is up fishing for his annual 4 day trip.  Sam is over at my mom’s for the night.  I have the afternoon to myself and evening.   Kinda like my single days.  I had a lot of plans for the day; organize, clean, throw out.  But of course I got lazy.  Took a shower, watched TV, went to the grocery store and here I am watching TV again.  I need to order some books online, my reading supply is finished.

Ok that’s all for now.  Boring I know…;-)

Awhile ago I submitted this site here for their “review”.  They’re not the blog experts of the world but I thought it’d be good for a laugh and to see what other people who don’t know me personally or this blog thought.  

The review is here.  Basically what it says is that I am boring!  Or more so that this blog is boring.  Which yes I admit it is.  I don’t share half the stuff that goes on in my head or that has happened in my life.  Why? Because a few more people in my real life are reading this and that doesn’t make me too comfortable. 

At work the other day a co worker came up to me and told me she heard someone talking about me and that I should be careful.  Firstly before I got married I was the topic of a lot of gossip at work.  Why?  Mostly because people at my work have nothing better to do.  When you take a young, single, fairly pretty girl like me who hangs around mostly with guys, people like to do a lot of speculating.  At first it bothered me then I really didn’t care so much.

So the latest gossip now at work, coming from a woman who’s at least SIXTY, is that I’m unhappy in my marriage and that I don’t wear my wedding ring.  She got it from a “reliable” source .  Wonder who that source is?  And yes there is truth to this gossip.  But what business is it of hers to comment on it.  Is she a friend of mine?  No.  But people like to talk.  Which makes me wonder.  Only a very few of my friends know about the problems.   So did she hear it from someone who has found this place? Or are my friends talking about me?  Does it really matter? No.

So I’ve been thinking about changing sites again.  To a place where I can write what I really feel. 

Does anyone know if I change the url of this blog if people were to type in the old url would it redirect them to the new place??

After deliberating back and forth, back and forth for almost a year maybe I finally made the decision and we started trying for another baby.  Although what would’ve been a beautiful and fun time trying really felt more like a job or a duty to me.  Which could be the reason why this month there were no pink lines on the stick.  Although I took one of those “early detection” tests maybe the results were not accurate yet.  I’ll only be 100% sure by next week when I would be late.    See for the past 4 days I’ve been so tired, hungry, nauseated that I thought for sure I was.    I still have mixed feelings, I mean I’m excited at the thought of getting pregnant but then I worry about everything that comes after.   We’ll try again next month.

Edited to add:  I took another test this afternoon.  I swear my eyes are playing tricks on me but if I held the stick in a certain angle there is a very very very very faint line.  Either that or I need to go for an eye exam.  Made hubs go to the store and buy another brand and will take the test again tomorrow. 

Edited again to add: another test taken this morning and it was negative…so I think my eyes were playing tricks on me and giving me the answer I secretly wanted.

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